Why Can’t I Switch Off? Anxiety, Overthinking and Finding Space to Breathe

Why is it so hard to switch off?

Do you ever get to the end of the day feeling exhausted, but find that your mind just won't switch off?

You're thinking about something that happened at work, worrying about a conversation you need to have, or making a mental list of everything you need to do tomorrow.

You might finally sit down with a cup of tea, but your mind is already somewhere else.

I wonder how often we actually give ourselves a chance to stop.

It seems to me that almost everyone I speak to is anxious about something. It might be work, money, relationships, our health, our children or what's happening in the world. Sometimes there's a very real reason to be worried. Other times, it's a feeling that something isn't quite right, even when we can't quite put our finger on what it is.

And perhaps we're so used to having something on our minds that we barely notice how much time we spend worrying, planning and thinking things through.

Are we living on autopilot?

I wonder how often we go through our days on autopilot.

We get up, get ready, go to work, answer emails, look after the people around us and get on with whatever needs doing. We move from one task to the next, often already thinking about what comes after that.

We might drink our tea without really tasting it, walk somewhere without noticing much of what's around us, or automatically tell someone we're fine without stopping to ask ourselves whether we are.

We're getting through the day. But are we actually noticing ourselves along the way?

Sometimes, I wonder whether we become so accustomed to being busy in our minds that we stop noticing what's happening in our bodies, too.

We might be so caught up in our thoughts that we don't realise how much tension we're holding. Our shoulders creep up, our jaw tightens, or we notice a tightness in our throat. We might even be holding our breath or taking short breaths without realising it.

Our nervous system plays a part in how we respond to stress and perceived threat. When something feels worrying or uncertain, our bodies can become more alert and ready to respond. If we're constantly anticipating problems or trying to stay on top of everything, we may find it difficult to settle.

But how often do we actually notice?

We might carry on working, caring for others or doing the shopping without realising how much tension we're holding. Perhaps we don't notice how exhausted we are until we finally sit down.

And then there's our thinking. We replay a conversation, wondering whether we said the wrong thing. We imagine different outcomes, hoping we can prepare ourselves for whatever might happen. We go over the same problem again and again, as though thinking about it a little more might finally give us the certainty we're looking for.

Sometimes, thinking things through helps. But sometimes, we're just going round in circles.

Anxiety can pull us away from what's happening now and into what might happen next. We can spend so much time preparing for the future or going over the past that we miss the life that's happening around us.

Of course, anxiety isn't simply caused by having a busy mind. Sometimes, there's a great deal happening in our lives, and our worries make sense. Our experiences, circumstances and physical health can all play a part, too.

But perhaps it's worth being curious about how much time we spend caught up in our thoughts, and whether we give ourselves any room to rest.

A little space to just be

I'm not sure switching off means having a completely empty mind. Perhaps it's more about allowing ourselves moments when we don't have to follow every thought or work something out.

It might be noticing the warmth of a cup of tea in our hands, listening to the rain outside or looking up at the trees as we walk. Perhaps it's sitting in the garden without reaching for our phones, or simply noticing that our shoulders are tense and acknowledging it.

We don't have to force ourselves to relax or turn this into another thing we need to get right. And we don't have to make every quiet moment productive.

Perhaps we can begin by asking ourselves a few simple questions.

How am I, really? What am I carrying at the moment? Have I noticed how I'm feeling, or have I been so busy getting on with things that I've pushed it all aside?

We might not always like the answers. We might discover that we're more tired, worried or overwhelmed than we'd realised. But noticing is different from judging ourselves for feeling that way.

Sometimes, our anxiety is telling us that something needs attention. Sometimes, we need help making sense of what's happening. And sometimes, perhaps we simply need a little space to stop, breathe and notice where we are.

We can't always change what's happening around us, and we won't stop every anxious thought. But we can begin to notice when we're living on autopilot, always looking ahead, and barely giving ourselves time to experience the present.

Perhaps we're so busy getting through our lives that we've stopped asking ourselves how we're actually doing.

And perhaps that's a place to start.

At Untangled, we offer counselling in Bromley and the surrounding boroughs, as well as online. If you're finding it difficult to switch off or feeling anxious more often than you'd like, you can get in touch with us to arrange a free, confidential 15-minute introductory call. There's no pressure to book a session.

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