When Someone Is Struggling to Stay: Suicide, Support and Hope

Sometimes, we quietly carry battles nobody else sees.

The businessman who looks successful. The teenager who laughs with friends. The parent holding everything together. The person sitting in church, wondering why everyone else seems okay while they are falling apart inside. The children playing in the park. The person sitting on a bench, thinking everyone would be better off without them.

Suicide can affect anyone. It does not discriminate by age, background, profession, faith, or financial circumstances, or by how happy someone's life might appear to others.

People often imagine that thoughts of suicide only happen to those who have completely given up. But that isn't always true. Sometimes, they happen to people desperately trying to survive, who have held on so long they can no longer see a way out.

You can love your family and still struggle to find a reason to keep going. You can smile, go to work, care for others and appear to be coping, while privately carrying thoughts you are frightened to share

For some people, these thoughts may include ending their own life. For others, death may begin to feel like an escape from emotional pain, a way of finding peace when life feels unbearable, and they cannot see any other options. These thoughts can also be known as suicide idealisation. These experiences can be difficult to understand, let alone put into words.

There may be a fear of being judged, misunderstood or becoming a burden to those around us. Sometimes, we might not even understand what is happening to us or why we are having these thoughts. We can become so accustomed to hiding our pain and struggles that even the people closest to us have no idea how much we are hurting.

But behind every statistic is a human being. Someone with a story, relationships, hopes, fears and a life that matters.

When someone dies by suicide, the loss reaches far beyond that individual. Families, friends, partners, colleagues and communities are left trying to understand what happened. They may be left with unanswered questions, guilt, anger, and the painful question of whether they could have done something to prevent it. They may spend years wondering why, knowing that they might never find an answer that makes sense of their loss and carrying the grief 

But we can talk about suicidal thoughts without shame. We can make space for people to speak honestly about their thoughts and feelings without feeling ashamed or judged.

And we can learn to listen.

Sometimes, people don't need us to have the perfect words. They need someone willing to sit alongside them in their pain, to take them seriously and to help them find support when they cannot see a way forward themselves.

There are people alive today who once sat alone in their rooms, convinced nobody would care if they disappeared. People who could not imagine a future beyond the pain they were experiencing. Some, with time, support and connection, have gone on to build relationships, find purpose, experience friendship, become grandparents, grow businesses and live moments they once could not picture.

Their stories don't mean that everyone's journey is the same, or that finding a way forward is easy. They remind us that what we feel in our darkest moments does not necessarily tell us what the rest of our lives will be.

We may not be able to change what someone has been through. We may not always understand the depth of their pain. But we can offer connection, compassion and the opportunity for someone to be heard.

A reason to stay

If you are reading this and struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you do not have to wait until you reach a breaking point before you deserve support.

You do not have to pretend you are okay. You do not have to find the perfect words to explain how you feel. And you do not have to face everything alone.

Sometimes, the first step can be telling someone you trust how you are really feeling. It might be a friend, a family member, your GP or a mental health professional. If speaking feels too difficult, you could write a message or a letter instead.

And sometimes, when we cannot find the words ourselves, it can help to read the words of someone who has been there.

Reasons to Stay is a place where people can read letters from others who have experienced suicidal thoughts and write letters of their own. Sometimes, hearing from someone who understands can help us feel a little less alone.

Visit Reasons to Stay.

A letter can remind us that someone else has felt this way. That our pain is not something we have to hide. That even when we cannot imagine a future for ourselves, or believe that people would be better off without us, we are still worthy of support, care and the chance to find a way forward.

If you have lost someone to suicide, you may also find comfort in reading the experiences and words of others who understand something of that loss.

And if you have lived through a time when you struggled to stay, perhaps your words might one day help someone else feel less alone.

Whether you need support today or want to offer someone else a reminder that their life matters, there is value in sharing our experiences and reaching out to one another.

Read a letter. Write a letter. Remind someone that their life matters.

Visit Reasons to Stay to read or write a letter.

If you are experiencing emotional pain, anxiety, grief, hopelessness or suicidal thoughts, talking to a qualified counsellor can offer space to explore what you are feeling, without judgement. You don’t need to have everything figured out before reaching out.

Talk to us

We offer counselling in Bromley and online. Book a free 15-minute introductory call to ask questions and explore whether our support feels right for you.

Suicide support in the UK

If you need someone to talk to now, Samaritans offers free, non-judgemental support, day or night, on 116 123.

Our introductory calls and counselling service do not provide emergency or crisis support. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, or you cannot keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E.